What would you do?

Last Saturday I get all dressed up, a dress and everything, and take my dear husband to a nice dinner. During our conversation I ask, "If you could do anything at all for work what would you do?"
"For a living you mean?" he asks.
"Yes"
"Screw hot chicks".

He didn't even miss a beat before answering.

Naughty or nice

So there I am playing Family Feud on Facebook.  The question:  Name something about his job that Santa Claus might brag about. 
I'm a little stumped after cookies and flying reindeer.
I ask Jim
He responds, "All the sex.  The spontaneous elf sex."

I'm not sure if that will get him more or less in his stocking...

All in the name of safety...

Sitting in the drive thru at Carl's Jr. when all of a sudden Jim's hand is on my boob and he says,
"Here, let me TSA you."
Next thing he's going to be asking for pictures...

The best day ever

Jim got home from work and school today.  Today was a great day...he finished his final project.  He is super duper excited. 
While holding the baby and feeding him a bottle he tells me turn something exciting on the tv.  As I'm scrolling through the TV Guide he says,
"Half Pint Brawlers!  That's exciting!".
I turn on the show.  They are doing a montage of these little brawlers wrestling moments.  Then, all of a sudden one of the little dudes is biting the crotch of a bigger dude and Jim screams,
"That midget just bit his dick!  Holy shit babe!  (Insert crazy laughter and almost asleep baby being terrorized awake) That guy was just totally biting that guy's dick.  I've never seen a midget bite a guy's dick before.  This is the best day ever!  If you would have told me this morning that I would see a midget bite a guy's dick I wouldn't have believed you.  Now I have.  This is totally the best day ever!"

Sleepy time

The Moo-ing thing continues

Yesterday Jim mooed some more.
Then, when the baby was upset, I heard Jim tell him that he might feel better if he mooed and tried for the next several minutes to get him to moo. 

If my child's first word is "moo" I'm going to lose it.  Though, considering the other words Jim commonly says around him I should probably be thrilled with "moo".

Cocoon

I'm getting the baby ready for bed and put him in his swaddle snuggly and leave him with daddy so I can get some work done.

Next thing I know I hear singing behind me and look back to see Jim holding the baby and moving him in a circular motion while singing, "Stirring my caterpillar baby...Just stirring my caterpillar baby..."